DEAR HARRIETTE: I have worked at the same company for 12 years now, and I was recently promoted into a role that places me above several people who have mentored me in my career.
These are colleagues who trained me, advocated for me and helped shape my professional growth, so stepping into a position where I now oversee or outrank them feels weird. I’m proud of being promoted, but I also feel awkward.
Since my promotion, I’ve noticed changes in my interactions with the co-workers who have mentored me to get to this point in my career. Some of them are polite but distant, while others seem less receptive to my ideas than they used to be. I find myself second-guessing my decisions or downplaying my authority because I don’t want to come across as arrogant.
How do I respect the people who helped me get here while still stepping fully into my new position? Is it possible to maintain mutual respect without diminishing myself or making them uncomfortable? How can I manage the guilt and self-doubt that come with surpassing the very people who mentored me?
— Promoted
DEAR PROMOTED: Speak to your former mentors individually. Thank them for all of the support and love they have offered you over the years. Bring up this new stage in your career where you have been promoted to leadership.
Admit that it feels awkward being in this new role. Repeat your gratitude for all their help. Tell them you hope you will make them proud as you step into this role. Then go for it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who calls me only to ask me to do something for somebody else.
We have been friends for a long time, but he seems to think that it is my job to help various people in his life. I have agreed to mentor this one, connect that one to someone else, hire another one, give advice to yet another.
Sometimes the people are extremely pushy and insistent. It seems like he has promised them that I will hook them up with things.
While I don’t mind helping, I would much prefer being able to chat with my friend without any other obligations. He doesn’t seem to understand that.
How can I get him to just be my friend without hurting his feelings when I don’t want to help his friends all the time?
— Be My Friend
DEAR BE MY FRIEND: Talk to your friend. Tell him that you would like to meet up, just the two of you, to enjoy a moment together.
If you are able to organize that gathering, tell him in person that you miss your friendship stripped down from other people. Share that it can be overwhelming sometimes when he is constantly putting you in touch with people he wants you to help. While you are good at that, it can be too much at times. You don’t want to feel like every time he calls you, it is to have you hook up one of his friends. Ask him if he can call sometimes just to check in with you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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