DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my high-rise condominium building, I must leave my flat and travel (generally via carpeted hallways and elevators) to various common areas in the building to deposit trash and collect mail.
The whole building, including all common areas, has a single, guarded entrance, through which only residents and guests may pass.
What must I wear in these common areas? May I dash down in stocking (or bare) feet to mail a letter or empty my garbage? (Most people are shod in the hallways.) Must I (a male) wear a shirt and/or proper shorts? Not all residents do this, as we have a pool, too.
Does it matter if the area is carpeted? Closed to the public? Is there a general rule? Is the rule different in a hotel or apartment building?
I am aware of Miss Manners’ rule regarding collection of one’s morning newspaper from one’s driveway — to wit, neighbors doing so are considered invisible. But I do not see how to apply it in this context.
GENTLE READER: We’ll make it apply. It’s just been sitting around idly, anyhow.
It was based on the polite fiction that the porch appearance is not public, but only a momentary detour from bed to breakfast, where robes and slippers are permissible.
In your case, the available fiction is that of using the swimming pool. Or gym, if the building has one. You know that the related outfits are customarily tolerated in your building, whereas you would not know what might offend guests in a hotel.
But Miss Manners cautions you not to test your neighbors’ limits. Being even rudimentarily dressed requires sparing them your bare chest and feet.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: For several years, it has been my pleasure to host three longtime friends — a married couple and her brother, a particular friend of mine — to a collective birthday dinner at our favorite restaurant.
We do this in lieu of separate birthday lunches at a lesser establishment. The restaurant we go to is considered upscale for our rural area, which I mention only to show that this is a special occasion.
It has always been most enjoyable, until this past year. All was fine until the wife struck up a political conversation with a man at a nearby table. The two conversed for a considerable time.
I felt sure this man’s companion must have been irritated. I certainly was, but I didn’t know how to politely redirect the wife’s attention to our table. Nor did her husband or brother say anything. My feelings were hurt to be treated so.
Fortunately, the couple soon finished their meal and left the restaurant. I still wonder what I might have said.
GENTLE READER: “Sophie! Shall we ask to have your dinner reheated?” “Sophie, we’re ready to order dessert now.” Or the most enticing, although it requires a prepared follow-up: “Sophie! We need your opinion on something!”
Miss Manners suggests this only to repair the immediate situation, for yourself and your other guests. Let’s not talk about the content of the overheard talk.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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