DEAR MISS MANNERS: I regret to tell you that, in the modern parlance, “You’re welcome” isn’t polite.
It is currently more polite to say “No problem” or “No worries,” which imply that whatever was done, the doer was happy to do it.
“You’re welcome” is passive-aggressive and means to communicate that the recipient better be thankful, because the situation was an imposition.
I’m not saying that others intend anything impolite, especially if they are older as well, but they should be made aware of how the term is currently being used.
GENTLE READER: Oh, please. Unless you find that word offensive, too.
Miss Manners has defended “No problem” and “No worries” from those who find them offensive, claiming that they suggest that a request might have been a problem or a worry. It strikes her as a reasonable response, equivalent to the conventional replies in several Romance languages.
But would all of you just please stop looking for trouble? It does not contribute to the general level of civility to brand well-intentioned, common expressions as insults.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you get people to RSVP in a timely manner?
My suggestion is to mention, in the invitation, that there are only a specific number of dinners, special treats, surprise gifts/goodie bags, etc. — and that guests should reply if they want a shot at them.
GENTLE READER: Has it come to that? Hosts have to bribe prospective guests to acknowledge their offers of hospitality?
Miss Manners has noticed that forms for responding to social invitations have gotten harsher and harsher, as prospective guests have gotten increasingly more callous.
Long ago, invitations did not request responses. It was thought that — duh! — if you were asked to go somewhere, you would have the sense, not to mention the decency, to say whether you would or wouldn’t.
If someone said, “Want to get a beer?” would you just sit silently and say nothing? But apparently that is what many people do when asked to come to a dinner or to a wedding.
So disgruntled hosts started asking outright for replies. And to Miss Manners’ annoyance, they popularized a French abbreviation, which baffles many and mangles the language. (“Rsvp” is not a verb, should not be preceded with “please” as that is already built in, and only the first letter should be uppercase.)
Asking for replies rarely works, so hosts started adding deadlines — which are also often ignored. And now you want to add bribes.
Here is a question to which Miss Manners would appreciate an answer: Why you want to entertain people who cannot be bothered to answer you?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been told that one should tip a barber. I also have been told that doing so is not necessary if the barber owns the barbershop. Is this true?
GENTLE READER: Depends on whom you ask. Miss Manners is guessing that the first answer came from the owner of the barbershop.
The idea is that owners of businesses are above accepting tips, which are for underpaid workers, including barbers. But as you probably discovered, the owners don’t all feel that way.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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