DEAR HARRIETTE: My 18-year-old daughter lied to me about going away this weekend.
She told me she was taking a road trip to a cabin with a close friend of hers with whom I am familiar, which is why I felt at ease with the plan, and that her older sister would be heading up to meet them there later in the day. On the day of this trip, my older daughter called me, and when I asked her if she was on her way to the cabin, she had no clue what I was talking about.
I’ve been texting throughout the weekend with my younger daughter. I want to know that she is safe and well, but I was too disappointed to call her.
I know that at 18 she doesn’t need my permission, but her lying tells me that she’s probably doing something she shouldn’t be doing.
Why is she lying to me? What is she really doing if it wasn’t the simple cabin trip that she told me about? Should I confront her when she gets home or just allow her to be a teenager and ignore the fact that she lied to me?
— Cabin Trip
DEAR CABIN TRIP: You should talk to her about all of it.
Start by giving her space to tell you the truth. Where did she go? What did she do? Who did she do it with? Ask her directly what she isn’t telling you. Let her know that you know her sister did not go with her. Ask her why she lied to you.
Although she is 18, if she is still living in your home, you can have ground rules. Telling the truth should be at the top of the list — otherwise, maybe it’s time for her to think about being fully independent.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go to trade school, but my parents don’t approve.
They want me to enroll full-time at a traditional four-year college, but that’s not what I want to do.
My parents worry that I’ll limit my future or miss out on opportunities if I don’t follow the path they envision. I know they want what’s best for me, but I feel frustrated and unheard. I don’t want to disappoint them, but I also don’t want to pursue a degree that doesn’t align with who I am or how I learn best.
I feel drawn to the idea of hands-on work. I have a knack for car engines, and I think trade school will get me into the workforce without overwhelming student loan debt.
How do I get them to see my side while still honoring their concerns?
— Less Beaten Path
DEAR LESS BEATEN PATH: Do some research on the potential earnings for the path you are interested in pursuing.
What does working with your hands mean in this economy when so many things are run by computers and soon by AI? Find out what roles are out there that appeal to you and what the trajectory is for earnings and opportunities.
This is good for you to know as you choose a field of interest. It will also help your parents see that you are serious and that you are thinking about the future strategically.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Leave a Reply