DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a dog walker and pet care provider. I’m retired, 73 years old, and I have a lot of work around the holidays.
My clients give me Christmas gifts. Should I just say “thank you” when I get something I don’t need, or say I’d like to regift it?
This week, a client gave me a dog-walking tool that I already have. It’s not too expensive — maybe $30 — and the gift bag also included treats for my dog. I already said thank you, but should I say anything else?
GENTLE READER: What would you say? Something along the lines of, “I have no use for this, so I’m going to get rid of it”?
Countering generosity by mentioning what a failure it was does not make anyone’s Christmas merrier. Not even yours, next Christmas, when this client will have been discouraged by the effort to please you and will give up trying.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think about employers who let their children come around the workplace to sell goodies to their employees? And worse yet, what about when the boss himself escorts his child around the building to sell stuff?
Yeah, I know, it’s always for a good cause, but isn’t that putting people on the spot, and not in very good taste? Nobody really wants to buy these things, but you always feel obligated, especially when the boss is standing right there!
GENTLE READER: And a nice lesson that is for the children — not in salesmanship, but in the use of power to intimidate.
Miss Manners understands that you don’t want to antagonize the boss, and hopes that you also want to avoid embarrassing the children. But that does not mean that you are obliged to buy anything you don’t want.
Group action is the safest, of course. Perhaps you can get your colleagues to protest this, making an official complaint if necessary. But you can also handle it on your own by treating the children as the salespeople they are alleged to be. In a pleasant tone, ask about the merchandise — its use, its sturdiness, whatever.
If the child is able to answer these questions, you may still say regretfully that the item does not meet your needs (although Miss Manners would probably be touched enough to buy). But if, as she suspects, the child is unprepared, you need only say regretfully that you can’t commit to buying something you know so little about.
Let us hope that a responsible parent would understand and appreciate the value of this lesson to the child.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have received cards from a number of couples who are 30 to 40 years younger than we are. The return addresses and printed signatures are first-name only. Should we respond in kind, since my husband and I have different last names?
GENTLE READER: So that they will experience the frustration of some of their recipients, who are asking themselves, “Who are these people? Do we know any Jenna and Noah?” or “Which Emma and Everett could this be this from?”
Miss Manners asks you to resist that temptation and submit your full names.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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