DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a class reunion recently, and it was so weird. Everybody was acting like we all looked the same and were the same, but it was anything but true.
It was our 25th anniversary, and we all seemed older. Some looked healthy. Others were frail. Some had aged dramatically. Some seemed only a few years older. Some were married, some single, some divorced, some widowed.
I didn’t want to buy into all of the evaluations, but they were relentless. I did my best just to greet people and be together, but it was hard.
I want to follow up with some of the people to touch base, but I don’t want to go back to those comparisons. How can I get some of my former classmates to be in the present moment?
— No More Nostalgia
DEAR NO MORE NOSTALGIA: Review your experience and pick out the people you would like to see again. If you have their contact information, reach out to get together.
Have it in your mind that you will be in the present with them. Choose something you want to talk about that can bridge past and present. Think of things you would like to discuss.
Start off easy. If they slip back in the past, remind them of current events to bring them forward. If they loathe how they look now compared to 25 years ago, remind them that they are still standing and living.
You should all be grateful for where you are. If there’s work to be done — health or otherwise — go for it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother passed away earlier this year, and I’m still sad. She lived as long as she could with a smile on her face most times.
I recently looked at photos of her over the past couple of years, and it broke my heart; she was so frail. We always thought she held on just to be able to be with us, her children and families and friends, but it was so hard for her.
I’m feeling guilty for wanting her to live as long as she did. It feels selfish now. I also don’t want to live that long myself. If I’m ever just hanging out, I wish I could just die. Is that a horrible thought? I don’t feel depressed, just realistic.
I fear that if I tell my family, it will make them worry about me. That’s not the point. How should I deal with these feelings?
— Living in Grief
DEAR LIVING IN GRIEF: Now is a good time to get some help. Grief counselors exist for the purpose of helping people work through their varied emotions during times of loss.
Talk to someone who can help you process all that you have experienced with your mother’s loss. As you talk, be sure to address how you are feeling about yourself.
If possible, do things today to protect yourself in your later years so that you have the resources and support that you need — if you live that long.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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