DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are coming to visit me for Christmas in New York City, and I really wanted to do something nice for them by booking an Airbnb or hotel so they could have their own space and be comfortable.
I tried to plan everything myself to make the visit special, but I ended up waiting too long. Now the prices are sky-high — completely out of my budget — and I’m panicking.
I feel embarrassed because I had plenty of time to prepare, and I don’t want my parents to think I’m irresponsible or that I don’t care about making their trip enjoyable. I’m also stressed because my apartment is small, and having them stay with me for several days is going to be cramped and uncomfortable for all of us.
I’m torn between telling them the truth and trying to scramble for a last-minute deal that I can barely afford. I just don’t know how to navigate this without disappointing them or putting myself in a financial hole.
How do I handle this situation gracefully and still make their holiday visit feel special?
— Expensive Christmas
DEAR EXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS: This may be the most expensive time of the year for tourists in New York City. Even if you had booked sooner, prices would have been high because tourists flock to the city at this time.
Try to widen your search to cities in New Jersey that are an easy train ride to Manhattan. You may find a better deal there.
Speak to your parents right away. Explain that you have yet to find an affordable place for them to stay. Don’t give up the search, but tell them you don’t think you will be able to cover all the costs. Work it out together so that you can salvage their trip.
DEAR HARRIETTE: It is time to divide up my father’s belongings among the family. He passed away a few months ago, and we have to get rid of his stuff.
I have one sibling who is “in charge” of organizing everything, and I feel like he is taking over. My dad did not leave a will, so we are just taking what we want, but I can’t help but feel like my sibling has picked over everything already and left the rest of us with the dregs.
I don’t mean to feel like this, but I don’t think this is being handled equitably.
How can I address this without causing a family fight?
— No Will
DEAR NO WILL: Speak to your brother. Let him know how sensitive this is for you and the rest of the family. Your father’s death was a blow, and going through his things is emotional.
Thank him for taking the lead on handling your father’s estate. That is not an easy job. Tell him that while you are grateful, you are also concerned that he is making choices about things that he wants before the rest of the family can even see the items.
Ask him to have everything on view so that the whole family can see it all. He can point out what he would like to keep, but ask him to give the rest of you a chance to know what’s there.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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