DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went gray at an exceedingly young age — my mother noticed my first gray hair when I was in preschool. By the time I was in my early 20s, my hair was mostly gray.
I’ve embraced it and learned to love it, and am happy to answer the questions I get — typically whether it’s natural, when I started going gray, and does anyone else in my family have premature gray hair.
But there are two questions I’ve gotten a few times over the years that have rankled me and I’m not sure how to respond. The first is, “Did you know you have gray hair?” and the second is, “Is there something wrong with you, like a disease or disorder?”
I am, as you can imagine, well aware of the color of my own hair. I am also not sick, which I don’t think is anyone’s business, provided I’m not contagious (and I assume I’m not, as nobody around me has “caught” my gray hair).
What would be the best way to respond here?
GENTLE READER: “Yes” to the first question and “no” to the second.
In responding to the second, it may be difficult to resist adding, “Why? Is there something wrong with you?”
[That was a familiar question. Miss Manners was a little snarkier last time.]
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We enjoy continuing friendships with couples we have known from various chapters of our lives. Some of these friends now live far away, and we enjoy having them visit and stay with us.
When we have out-of-town friends visiting our home, I usually have a lasagna ready to slip into the oven or meatballs simmering in the crockpot for dinner, or we might grill hamburgers on the deck. The next morning, we have a breakfast casserole that I have prepared and refrigerated, ready to slip into the oven.
A couple living a couple hours away from us recently invited us for an overnight visit. Upon our late-afternoon arrival, they suggested that we go to an expensive restaurant for our evening meal. There was really no graceful way of handling this, except to agree. Each couple handled our own separate checks.
Later in the evening, as we prepared to retire to the guest room, they suggested that we go out for breakfast the next morning. Again, there was no graceful alternative except to agree. After our restaurant breakfast, we said warm goodbyes and left, as previously planned.
We enjoy this couple and their friendship. But while we had budgeted for the trip, we had not really planned on these expensive restaurant tabs. Plus, we would have enjoyed the warmth and intimacy of sharing meals with them in their charming home.
Am I correct in my thinking that, when we invite friends to visit us, it goes without saying that we will provide their meals during their stay in our home?
GENTLE READER: Usually. But not everyone has your talent for slipping things in and out of the oven.
Miss Manners agrees, however, that if they lack that aptitude, your hosts should at least warn you that you will be eating out.
Perhaps in their minds, as in hers, they thought that it would not be too much of a financial burden. If you arrived in time for dinner and left the next day after breakfast, your only other expense was gas, was it not?
It still does not make the transaction gracious, just more even.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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