DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 22 years old. While on vacation, I connected with a man on a gay dating app.
Honestly, he fits the description for many things that I like in a guy. He has a stable job, owns his home, works toward his personal goals and ambitions and has a football player physique. However, his great qualities come with one caveat: He is more than twice my age.
Although it really doesn’t bother me much, I do understand that our age difference will automatically put parameters on how far we can go.
My mother has already expressed her disapproval of me bringing home anyone around her age. I am not someone who dates for family approval; however, I have to say, I understand that point and could not expect her to accept such a huge age gap.
This man didn’t know my age when we first connected, but it didn’t seem to bother him when he found out. What should I do?
— Age Gap
DEAR AGE GAP: Tread carefully. His resume sounds good, but when it comes to his age, he could be your father. Ask him why he wants to be with someone so young.
You have described why he’s interesting to you, but those qualities and assets come with time. It is possible for you to build a life with someone and get there together. He has all of that due to life experience.
Your mother is seeing the big picture, which is hard for you to do. Don’t make a decision based on her, but think about what you want in your life. Is it to walk into a readymade situation or to build a life with someone who will grow alongside you?
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been seriously considering moving out of the country for a fresh start, but I have no idea where to begin.
The idea excites me — new culture, new energy and, hopefully, new opportunities — but it also feels overwhelming and risky.
I don’t know how people secure jobs abroad. Do employers even consider candidates who aren’t already local? Part of me thinks I should find work first and then relocate, but another part wonders if being on the ground would make it easier to network and interview. I’m also unsure about visas, work permits and whether certain countries are more realistic than others.
I don’t want this to remain a vague dream I talk about for years without acting on it, but I also don’t want to make a reckless decision. What’s the smartest, most strategic way to approach an international move?
— Dreams of Abroad
DEAR DREAMS OF ABROAD: I’ve got two ideas for you. First, think of countries that appeal to you and research how open they are to hiring immigrants to work there. The rules vary from country to country. Also, look into American businesses that have outposts there. It may be possible to work for an American company abroad.
Another consideration is to take a smaller step first. Move to another part of this country. Go to a place you’ve never visited that interests you, and build a new life there. Give yourself a time limit to create a new experience and see how it feels. Then decide if you want to pivot again to a new country.
The practice of setting up a new life will prepare you for another life somewhere else if you still want it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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