DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am female, and I have a male friend who likes to flirt with other women when we go out for dinner or other occasions.
Seeing as we’re just friends, I don’t think I have any justification for asking him to cool it.
On the other hand, I feel like he uses me in a way and disrespects me by constantly turning his attention toward any other woman in the room rather than me, his friend, whose company he is in. He sometimes asks me to approach women and ask them to join us, to ask for recommendations from them on the menu, etc.
I never flirt with other men or ask him to approach men for me — doing so would seem rude to me. It seems to me that valuing a person and their friendship means giving them your attention when you visit with them.
We don’t see each other often, maybe once every couple of months.
GENTLE READER: Perhaps you and your friend can institute “Flirt Dates”: outings with the specific goal of helping each other meet romantic prospects. The agreement would be that non-designated days are dedicated to just the two of you.
This does not guarantee, Miss Manners realizes, that your friend will abstain from extracurricular activity, but at least you will have put him on notice that A. his external flirting is distracting and takes away from your time together; B. you are not doing this because you have a romantic interest in him; and C. maybe you would like help finding a date as well.
Or not. But then, A. and B. would still apply.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 42-year-old woman who has been working hard to get healthier for myself and for my son.
We have gone to the gym together multiple times a week and are modifying our diet.
I am happy to say the work has paid off: I have dropped clothing sizes, and people have started noticing. I have had quite a few “Wow, you have lost weight” comments from co-workers, and have started to get comments, questions and even assumptions that I must be using weight loss drugs.
I am finding it hard to respond without being disrespectful to those who maybe are on such drugs. So far, I have just said I have never tried any meds, but I keep getting asked, so I don’t think I am believed. What would be a better response?
GENTLE READER: You do not have to justify something that should not be commented upon in the first place. That your answer is not believed by these nosy, impertinent people is insulting.
Miss Manners suggests you continue to acknowledge what they believe to be a compliment and stop answering when they get intrusive (or even before). Eventually the novelty of you looking fit will wear off, and they can pry into the details of someone else’s health and beauty regimen.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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