DEAR ABBY: Eighteen months ago, I was staying with my son and his family when they had a get-together with the father of his wife, “Corrine.”
Corrine’s stepmother had just finished chemo for several types of cancer. When my son’s father-in-law went to leave, I offered to put together a small plate for his wife, hoping it would make her feel better.
When Corrine saw this from the outside, she came in and accused me of “giving away family food that her son might want.” They have lots of money, and I replied that I just thought it would be nice for the recovering woman, and if Corrine thought she needed more food for her son, I’d be happy to get it.
My son and his wife have barely spoken to me since. I have offered to meet them for counseling and have sent my grandson little gifts every month, which have gone unacknowledged. I saw them for the first time last month at a family wedding. They barely said a word, and my son avoided me. The rest of the family could not believe how rude they were to me.
I don’t know what else to do. I have reached out. I’ve written notes. When I talk with my son on the phone, he’s receptive. Then he talks to his wife, and all of a sudden, nothing is acceptable. Please help.
— ESTRANGED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ESTRANGED: Could there be more behind this than you have mentioned — perhaps hurt feelings that drove Corinne over the edge?
You have done all you can to make up with your super-sensitive daughter-in-law (who appears to be uniquely possessive of her food). Take a step back. Sometimes, things get better with time, and that is what I am hoping will happen for you.
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I got out of a verbally abusive relationship. Five months later, I met the man of my dreams, who had also been in a very bad marriage.
We are really good together, but if something bad happens, he flies off the handle and accuses me of being stupid and not normal. He also threatens to leave me if I don’t change my behavior. This was the same threat I got from my ex.
I suspect that when I get upset about a problem, he thinks I’m his ex-wife. What should I do? I love him, but I don’t want to be back in the same kind of relationship as before.
— SCARED AND CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR SCARED: You may not want to be back in the same kind of relationship that you had before, but it looks like that’s almost exactly where you are.
I don’t blame you for being scared and confused because there is something wrong with your manpicker. You have now been with two emotional abusers.
Before involving yourself in any more romantic relationships, it’s important that you discuss this with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional who can help you break this pattern. If you do, you’ll spare yourself years of bad choices and heartache.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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