DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grocery store was very busy and the checkout lines were long. I paid little attention to the lady without a cart in front of me as she spoke to someone on her phone, assuming that she was with the person in front of her.
After about 10 minutes in line, just before it was my turn to place my items on the belt, another lady appeared with a full basket of groceries and asked to get by me, saying her friend in front of me was “saving her spot in line.”
The request took me by surprise, and before I could react, she forced herself past my basket to join her friend.
I had a few choice words for her rude, inconsiderate behavior, but instead of an apology, she went on the offensive, loudly and repeatedly demanding that I not talk to her. I am sure that all 10 checkout lanes could hear her yelling, making it look like I had done something inappropriate.
I have seen privileged people hold up other shoppers by parking a basket of groceries in a line while they run around the store picking up additional items, but this was a new one for me.
I was so shocked and angry, I came close to leaving my basket and walking out of the store. Any suggestions, other than to let these types of people have their way?
GENTLE READER: That is galling, of course. We long to see rude people get their comeuppance.
But is it really worthwhile to turn such an incident into a brawl — to which you contributed with your “few choice words”?
Apparently, many people think so. Miss Manners has a whole file of readers’ letters about altercations in the grocery store line, and they are not just cross because they are hungry.
When one’s sense of basic fairness is violated, indignation runs high. And this seems to be a time when many people are constantly on the defensive.
Miss Manners knows that she is creating trouble for herself in suggesting that one choose one’s battles — that infractions such as you describe are not worth getting into public fights with strangers. It will contribute to the mistaken notion that etiquette always requires yielding.
It does not — but it does sometimes suggest not plunging into losing battles.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please provide guidance regarding what I consider to be an outrageously presumptuous practice in many restaurants. I refer to the server’s providing two utensils when only one of two diners has ordered dessert.
It puts the customer in the uncomfortable position of having to explain that he or she doesn’t want to share, or that the companion did not order dessert.
GENTLE READER: And it sometimes saves the server an extra trip.
But Miss Manners agrees that it puts the person who ordered it in the awkward position of seeming selfish. The way out of that position is to ask the other diner, while the server is still present, “Oh, did you want to order one of these, too?”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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