DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents invited my family over for New Year’s Day to celebrate. As I like to cook, I prepared two entrees to be reheated when we got there.
I put in time and effort to prepare a meal they would enjoy. My parents were going to make some pasta and also picked up bread.
Upon our arrival at their house, my mother took out some leftovers to heat up. The leftovers were from a restaurant where they’d eaten the night before, on New Year’s Eve. Not only that, she offered her leftovers for everyone to sample.
I was slightly offended, as I had just prepared all of this food for them. My mother’s argument was that her leftovers would not hold till the next day.
My mother still does not think she was wrong in this; I feel that it was rude.
GENTLE READER: Perhaps this is how she defines “family style”?
Yes, this was inconsiderate, but if it was a dinner for just the family, formal rules are a bit more relaxed. At least she offered samples. And if that was all the rest of the group was getting of her dinner, they still had room for yours.
Rather than harbor anger, Miss Manners suggests that you might take this as gentle teasing. The next time you invite your mother over, tell her, “I will be making duck a l’orange — unless, of course, you want to bring over any leftover fries you have lying around.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like some advice on who should handle an anniversary gift return.
My husband and I received a gift that had been ordered online by our relatives (who live blocks from us). Unfortunately, the item was damaged and needed to be returned.
We repackaged the item into the box and planned on giving it back to the family so they could print the return label and drop off the package at a post office or shipping store. But instead, they asked us to do it.
When asked why, they said they “didn’t know how to return an item.” We took care of it, but shouldn’t it have been their responsibility?
GENTLE READER: Was it gracious of them? No. But you were already out and about.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I gave Christmas dinner to two separate neighbors on Christmas Day. It’s been a week, and they have not returned the plates.
I’m very annoyed at their lack of concern. Do I have a right to be upset?
GENTLE READER: Did you ask for them back? Of course your neighbors should have thought to return them on their own, but if ye do not ask, ye may not receive.
Miss Manners suggests that instead of silently seething, you send them a note asking when would be a convenient time for you to pick up your plates. This is neither impolite nor terribly difficult. You do, after all, know where they live.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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