DEAR ABBY: My husband and I (we’re both male) have been together since 2007. We moved to Arizona in 2010. Most of our family lives in the Midwest.
We have been visiting our families as often as possible, at least every other year. Our son-in-law refuses to let us stay the night in his home when we visit. His excuse is, he doesn’t want to have to explain to his two daughters why we sleep in the same bed. (The daughters are 6 and 8.)
My husband and I no longer feel comfortable around our son-in-law, and we told our daughter we feel it would be best to skip this year’s visit. She offered to put us up in a hotel. We declined the offer and said we have other friends we can visit.
Our daughter then offered to come and visit us with our granddaughters. We also declined that offer.
Are we doing the right thing? We feel the son-in-law is using his daughters as an excuse for his own homophobic feelings toward us.
— UNWELCOME IN THE WEST
DEAR UNWELCOME: I see nothing positive to be gained by punishing your daughter and your 6- and 8-year-old grandchildren, who have offered viable alternatives, because their father is uncomfortable with your sexual orientation.
Let your daughter visit and bring the children. Foster a strong relationship with all of them. If you succeed, your narrow-minded son-in-law may find himself increasingly marginalized.
DEAR ABBY: About six months ago, I began arranging a group dinner for the wives of my husband’s poker buddies.
It started out great. However, a new wife to the group has instigated praying in the restaurant, along with holding hands as we pray.
This is not my style nor is it for a few others. We feel held hostage to her request and aren’t sure how to put a stop to this display.
I’m very private about the spiritual side of my life. Another member of the group is agnostic.
Please advise me on a tactful way to address this dear woman.
— UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE WEST
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I’m glad to help. Address this privately. Explain to the woman that not everyone in the group is comfortable displaying their religiosity in public, and some may prefer to do their worshiping privately. If necessary, remind her that silent prayer is just as effective as praying aloud.
DEAR ABBY: In the past, I always disliked my appearance. I have been obese most of my 70 years but am now within 20 pounds of my ideal weight.
My problem is, I have met someone I like very much and could see spending the rest of my life with. However, she is obese, and it bothers me greatly. How can I effectively communicate my desire that she lose 30 to 50 pounds without being offensive?
— FINALLY SLIM IN FLORIDA
DEAR FINALLY SLIM: Approaching someone and saying you want them to lose 30 to 50 pounds would be like touching the third rail.
You can, however, as you get to know this person better, model your healthy lifestyle and encourage her by setting an example. If she picks up on it, she may be the lady for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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