DEAR MISS MANNERS: My birthday is a few days after the new year. It’s a very easy date to miss altogether in the shadow of December and New Year’s celebrations.
Growing up, I often received “combo” holiday and birthday presents. I was taught to thank relatives and friends and not complain that it “wasn’t fair.”
Nowadays, an e-card can be scheduled for auto-delivery to someone’s inbox months in advance, so it’s not even necessary to remember someone’s birthday. A birthday card with a brief handwritten note that I can display on a living room table for a few days to look at would be my preference, but I accept that e-cards or emails with “happy birthday” messages are here to stay.
In the past year, a few people who used to schedule e-cards for delivery on my birthday are now scheduling them for delivery on New Year’s Day.
I am an adult, not a 5-year-old, but is there a way to remind friends of my actual birthday without coming across as petty or ungrateful that they “remembered” me at all?
Last year, I waited the few days after New Year’s to send thank-yous on my actual birthday, with a note that my birthday plans got washed out “today” (it usually rains on my birthday) but I still enjoyed myself, and then I mention what I did to celebrate.
Apparently that was too subtle, because this year I continued to receive e-cards and emails on New Year’s Day (and even one on New Year’s Eve), some with notes that they hoped my birthday “today” is a good one. Any suggestions, or should I just let it go?
GENTLE READER: Shortchanging a child on holidays is mean, and Miss Manners finds it sad that it has left you dissatisfied with the birthday acknowledgments you get now.
But you are grown up, and well aware that these are now generated mechanically. It is not as though your well-wishers — and they are well-wishers — are freshly moved each year to congratulate you. Somehow a mix-up has occurred, perhaps even without their realizing it. Nor are they scrutinizing your response enough to make the change.
These are the most casual of gestures, not comparable to relatives hurting a child. If someone very close to you forgets your birthday, you can mention that you are sensitive about this because of your childhood experience.
But to those who only send e-cards — please do let it go.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother just earned her Ph.D. She holds many other professional titles, as well.
I would like to give her a desk nameplate, but I’m unsure how to approach it.
Should the first line on the plate read her name only, with all credentials underneath? Or should the first line contain her name and “Ph.D.,” then the other credentials underneath? There are four titles to include.
GENTLE READER: You can use the title “Dr.” and put the others below — but please assure Miss Manners that this is intended for your mother’s home desk, and not an office, where her colleagues might find all that alphabet soup laughable, if not arrogant.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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