DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are celebrating our six-year anniversary soon, and I’ve been reflecting on our first date.
He took me to a restaurant, where I ordered a dinner salad. While enjoying this salad, a piece of lettuce fell from my fork onto the table.
What would have been the proper way to handle this circumstance? Leave it on the table? Scoop it into a napkin? Place it on the corner of my plate? I’ve always wondered about this.
GENTLE READER: Ideally, there would be an unobserved moment when you could snag it back onto your plate with a fork or napkin. But Miss Manners is curious what you did do. If it was not unobtrusive, it must have been charming, as it led to marriage.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can you be responsible for ghosting someone when they never write to you?
Just because I have decided to accept their silence, and return it to them, doesn’t mean I don’t care. But what is the proper way to say goodbye? It actually seems worse to do it formally.
GENTLE READER: Tell the friend/spouse/child who is goading you about this that the ghosted does not become the ghoster. And that it would be wildly insulting to write a letter to Emily/Everett/Eli — from whom you have not heard in a year, in spite of multiple efforts — to say that you are breaking off the relationship.
However, Miss Manners suggests that from time to time, you might reach out, if you care to. Sometimes even ghosts change their minds and respond.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was just wondering how one might react when there are people out there — not just some, but vast blocs — who promote that one should be able to do, act, say and be exactly who they wish to be with no fear of reprisal from anyone.
Just look around: It seems that any level of dissension about another’s actions results in some level of shaming — name-calling, finger-pointing, etc. If the people in question adhere to their belief in “Hey, pal, this is who I am,” you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll want everyone else to adhere to it, also.
I suspect Miss Manners is one of the old guard, as am I. But if one subscribes to the “be who you want” societal philosophy, where does one draw the line?
GENTLE READER: If you believe that people should behave politely and treat one another with respect, then you and Miss Manners agree. If you mean that we don’t all have to agree on everything, we agree. If you mean that no one should impose their personal opinions on others, then again, we agree.
But if — when you condemn people “who promote that one should be able to … say … exactly who they wish to be with no fear of reprisal” — you mean that people should fear violence for expressing an opinion, then, respectfully, we disagree.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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