DEAR HARRIETTE: I go to a dog park weekly, and there’s one dog owner who keeps letting their dog jump all over me and my dog, even though I’ve repeatedly tried to set boundaries.
I’ve politely asked them to control their dog, and I’ve even stepped in front of my dog to block the other dog when it gets too rough, but nothing seems to stick.
Every time it happens, the dog owner laughs it off and says, “Oh, he’s just excited!” or “He doesn’t mean anything by it,” but I feel disrespected, and my dog seems stressed by the repeated interactions.
What makes it worse is that the other regulars at the park also laugh it off, so I start to feel like I’m the one overreacting.
I love going to the dog park, and I enjoy socializing, but this situation has made it stressful, and I’m starting to dread attending. I want to continue enjoying the park without constantly worrying about someone ignoring my boundaries.
How can I assertively and politely handle this situation so that my dog and I are respected without seeming like I’m overreacting or creating unnecessary tension with the other dog owner?
— Crossing the Line
DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Can you bring a shield of some kind that you can hold up between you and this dog the next time it lunges at you or your dog? That may seem extreme, but it should get the point across that you aren’t allowing this behavior anymore.
Follow up by telling the dog owner you have had enough. Demand more insistently that the dog needs to be controlled.
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends recently got divorced. In the process, she talked to me and my husband about her troubles so much that it seems like they may have rubbed off on us. Now my husband and I are bickering constantly, though we never did that before.
How can we get back to the peacefulness that we once had, now that our friend’s trauma has disrupted it?
— Reconnection
DEAR RECONNECTION: It starts with the recognition that you just mentioned: You both see that you were influenced by your friend’s divorce. See that for what it is and turn back to each other.
Remind yourselves that your marriage is uniquely your own. Go back to doing things together that you once loved. Stop talking to other people about their marriages, and definitely do not talk to anyone else about yours. Turn to each other for insight, understanding and love.
When your friend comes up in conversation, accept that her marriage problems may have impacted you, but that doesn’t have to be true any longer.
Work to see each other for who you are. Remember how you behave and what your strengths and challenges are. Agree to deal with your issues together, and do your best not to superimpose others’ behavior on each other. Give yourselves the benefit of the doubt.
Choose to love and nurture each other. Make that choice every day.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Leave a Reply