DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has gotten ahold of my credit card information and has been using it excessively and without my permission.
He is 23 years old. He has a job and lives on his own.
This feels like a violation to me, but my husband thinks I am overreacting and that my son probably thought it was OK.
From what I’ve gathered, it seems like he has my information attached to his tap-to-pay, because he’s used it for in-person purchases. This feels deliberate to me. He’s purchased groceries, takeout, gas, movie rentals and more.
This feels grossly irresponsible for a young adult. I want to cut him off completely, but it’s not just about the money.
What should I do about this level of dishonesty? I don’t want to treat my son like a criminal, but I don’t ever want him to take from anyone — including me — and think it’s OK.
— Teach Him a Lesson
DEAR TEACH HIM A LESSON: Don’t assume the worst. Instead, talk to him.
Tell him you realize that he has been using your credit card. Note the variety of purchases that have shown up on your bill. Ask him why he is doing this. Listen to his response.
Perhaps you gave him the number once and he kept it on file. Tell him that you no longer want him to use your credit card information without asking you first. Remind him that he is a young adult with a job and an independent life. If he needs your help, he must ask.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been ghosted like this before, and I don’t know what to do.
I was dating a guy for a few months. Things were nice, though he was a bit moody and would disappear for weeks sometimes. Mainly we talked a lot on the phone and saw each other a couple of times a week.
We got into an argument a few weeks ago, and I was sharp with him. He got mad that I dared challenge him about his behavior. Next thing you know, he ghosted me. I’m pretty sure he blocked me on social media because I see old stuff but nothing new. He doesn’t call me at all.
It’s like he is punishing me because he was rude to me and I called him on it. I know I should just let this go, but my feelings are hurt, and I can’t believe he did that.
I am a nice person, and I treated him well. Why would he do that to me?
— Ghosted
DEAR GHOSTED: This type of thing has happened to a few readers who have written in recently. All I can say is that sometimes you won’t be able to figure out why people do things, especially if they choose to stop communicating with you.
Rather than continuing to wonder and doubt yourself, move on. Fill your time with positive, constructive activity.
Do your best not to sit around brooding. Choose to take care of yourself instead. Exercise. Eat healthy. Go out with friends. Put yourself in social settings with other people, and decide you will have fun.
When you start to think about him, change the subject in your mind. You can do it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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