DEAR HARRIETTE: About a year ago, I met a man at work, and he introduced himself to me by telling me how beautiful I am and how much he admires me. In less than a month, I was his girlfriend.
We are still together, but I have been hearing more and more rumors claiming that he said the same things to many of the women we work with.
I never picked up on that before because he seemed so shy. I thought he put his nerves aside just for me, but apparently he asked out a large percentage of new hires. I guess I was the unlucky duck who gave him the time of day.
He hasn’t cheated on me or anything, but it’s kind of embarrassing to know that this boyfriend of mine, whom I am so proud of, was behaving so desperately before I came along.
Is this a vain reason to end our relationship? I feel like a laughingstock at work now.
— Laughingstock
DEAR LAUGHINGSTOCK: If you truly love this man, suck it up and look past how you got to this place.
It can be unsettling to know that you fell for a line. Believe it or not, the pressure is on for men to know what to say to get women to give them the time of day. Many men have lines that they use over and over. Like fishing, occasionally they attract someone. If your co-workers hadn’t witnessed his strategy, it would never have become an issue.
I can see how this is embarrassing, but again, if you like him, forgive the shy guy for using his one line on you. It has worked out for you both!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m struggling with my new assistant, who consistently seems distracted and disengaged at work.
She rarely responds to emails or messages in a timely manner, and I often have to follow up repeatedly just to get basic updates on projects she’s responsible for. Tasks that should be straightforward take much longer than expected, and it’s starting to affect team workflow and my own stress levels.
I’ve tried to be patient and supportive, assuming she might be overwhelmed or adjusting, but this has become a pattern rather than an occasional lapse. I don’t want to micromanage, yet I feel like I have no choice but to constantly check in just to ensure things are moving forward. I need her to be more focused, more proactive and more accountable for her responsibilities.
How do I address this without sounding harsh or discouraging? At what point do I accept that this may not be the right fit?
— Micromanager
DEAR MICROMANAGER: Schedule a meeting with your assistant to review her work.
Have a list handy of tasks she is supposed to accomplish and how she is managing them. Point out the areas that you find lacking, and ask her to explain herself. Let her know that if she cannot improve in those areas, you will have to let her go.
Follow company protocol, but cut your losses as soon as you can if she is not performing to your satisfaction.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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