DEAR MISS MANNERS: My two daughters (ages 23 and 34) are beautiful and talented women. They work hard and usually make me proud — except on their birthdays.
For the past several years, on their respective birthdays, they each put up links on social media to their money apps and ask people to send them birthday “gifts.” I find it in poor taste, and it embarrasses me.
Am I overreacting? Is this normal, acceptable behavior these days?
GENTLE READER: Normal? Yes. Acceptable? No.
As their parent, you have the obligation, in Miss Manners’ opinion, to tell them that you find this embarrassing. When they inevitably plead that “everyone does it,” you maintain that that argument did not hold water when they were 11, and it does not now.
If you do not get ahead of this, they will go on to do far worse for other milestones (housewarmings, engagement parties, weddings) where this kind of begging is considered even more “normal.” And as a possible host or co-host of these events, your own involvement is more direct — and therefore even more embarrassing.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a small half-bathroom downstairs that is mainly used by guests.
As a courtesy, I usually have period products readily available to visitors. For larger gatherings, I’ve had them in plain sight of anyone using the restroom, but normally they’re stowed under the sink.
How should I store these sensitive items to be available to guests? Should I assume people will do a quick search under the sink if they’re in a pinch, or is it best to just have them out?
GENTLE READER: Is there a pretty, opaque container that you can put them in on a shelf?
Putting them out in the open is a bit unseemly, and under-the-sink snooping is not something Miss Manners necessarily wants to encourage. You never know what can get thrown in there when one is cleaning up quickly for guests.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have noticed that at most live performances — from professional concerts and operas to dance recitals and school plays — the audience automatically gives a standing ovation at the end.
I grew up believing that a standing ovation was an expression of appreciation for a truly extraordinary performance — a performance at which the audience was so deeply moved that they couldn’t stay seated.
Now when I attend performances and I am satisfied or pleased, but not overcome with emotion, I feel churlish for staying seated when everyone else is standing and yelling “bravo” or “brava.”
What is the etiquette for appreciating live performances these days? Should I give in to peer pressure and stand, even if my opinion of the performance is “meh”?
GENTLE READER: No, you do not need to stand for a “meh” performance.
But Miss Manners also knows that sometimes one has no choice, if one wants to see the curtain call. In that case, the enthusiasm with which one applauds may be emphatically lessened.
That will teach ’em.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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