DEAR ABBY: A co-worker, “Erin,” has been allowed to work from home since the COVID-19 pandemic, while the rest of us came back to the office.
We function alongside each other much like a small family. We have no drama, no office politics and an overall great atmosphere.
Erin’s absence has caused a strain on our team and has fueled resentment. Many feel it’s unfair, although these feelings have not been shared with Erin.
It so happens that Erin has accepted a new job and hasn’t told our boss because she’s worried about how the boss will react.
When I found out, I did tell the boss even though Erin told me not to. So now I am caught in the snare of my own little trap of deceit. Advice?
— TANGLED WEB IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR TANGLED WEB: I’m sorry you didn’t mention what the benefit structure is at your company.
Erin took a job on the Q.T. while still on your boss’s payroll. In the state where I live (California), that would be a reason to fire her.
I do not regard enlightening your boss about what Erin did as deceitful. I think what you did was the right thing to do and loyal to the company.
DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid reader of your column my entire life, and you have always given solid advice, especially when it comes to topics regarding proper etiquette.
That’s why you were the first person I thought to ask when my friend shared this information from our Catholic priest on how to attend Mass with reverence: “Don’t cross your legs. Crossing your legs is considered a disrespectful posture.” I’m all for proper manners and posture, but I have never heard this before.
— WONDERING IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR WONDERING: This is the first I have heard of it, but your friend may be correct. In some Orthodox cultures outside North America, crossing one’s legs is considered to be very disrespectful. Here in America, however, it is not taboo, but it is considered to be “too casual and relaxed” for church.
DEAR ABBY: I’m nearly 70, and suddenly I’m remembering things from the past that I haven’t thought about in years — mostly conversations in which I wish I had responded differently. (I’ve never been really quick about responding to things.)
Now they keep popping up, and I can’t seem to stop thinking about what I wish I had said.
I don’t know why this is happening or how to stop it. Any advice?
— MEMORY-RIDDEN IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MEMORY-RIDDEN: If this is how you are spending your leisure time, you may have too much of it on your hands.
When this happens, try to redirect your thoughts to something else. Then remind yourself that none of us can change the past, but we can learn from it so we don’t repeat our mistakes (or errors of omission) in the future.
If what’s happening leads to depression or anxiety, you might benefit from consulting a therapist about it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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