DEAR MISS MANNERS: It’s frigid cold here these days, but that didn’t stop a huge turnout for a very popular food truck.
The lines were pretty long, both to order and to pick up. People passed the 15-20 minutes chatting with each other and joking about the cold.
An elderly man (late 70s, maybe?) pulled up in his car with (I assume) his wife in the passenger seat. The gentleman got out and stood in line, using a cane, while his wife waited in the car. He had on a jacket and wore gloves, but a strong wind was blowing.
I was in the food-pickup line, and noticed that he looked uncomfortable. Ahead of him in ordering line was a woman wearing a very cozy-looking fur coat. I approached her and whispered that the gentleman behind her looked like he was struggling, and that it would be nice if she offered to hold his place in line. That way, he could return to the car until it was his turn to order.
She looked blankly at me and said, “What man?” I indicated the gentleman behind her. She glanced back and said “Oh,” nothing more.
Embarrassed, I mumbled, “It was just a thought, to help the old guy out” and slinked back to my place in the pickup line. She never made a move to assist the man. When my order came, I hurried away.
Miss Manners, was I out of line to make that suggestion? Had I been in the order line, I would certainly have made the offer. But the look of disdain on the face of that woman was colder than the blasting winter wind. Did I do the wrong thing?
GENTLE READER: It is awkward to suggest that someone else engage in an act of kindness on one’s behalf.
While your intentions were good, this woman was not likely to have been paying attention to your position and was probably wondering why you did not offer to stand in line for this man yourself.
Miss Manners suggests that if the situation comes up again, you alert the food truck workers and enlist their help. Or ask the wife in the car to keep your food warm while you go help her husband.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been invited to a dinner at my CEO’s home, along with members of the board.
Is it still appropriate to arrive with flowers or wine for the host? I don’t know if the CEO drinks wine.
Would I be seen as “brown-nosing” if no one else brings anything? I am 57 and kinda old-school.
GENTLE READER: Flowers are the most gracious option. Miss Manners assures you that they will be taken as they were intended: as a thank-you for hosting a dinner party, not a bribe for future promotions.
Old-school or not, you will have to show up with a lot more than flowers if you want to brown-nose your way into a better job.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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