DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are separated. Our children are ages 20 and 22.
He has just been diagnosed with some type of serious medical issue (likely life-threatening). He has shared the information with our children but refuses to explain to me what is happening.
I am not being nosy; I simply believe that I should be aware of what’s going on for the sake of our children.
One of our children still lives with me and has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, PTSD and major depressive disorder. They are not doing well and have been hospitalized multiple times over the past five years. They have no friends and no contact with their extended family; they are not on speaking terms with their sibling. The only people they interact with are me and their father.
I feel it is very important for my husband to keep me informed so I can offer support and help both of our children deal with whatever is happening. Am I wrong to ask him to explain to me what is going on?
— IN THE DARK IN VERMONT
DEAR IN THE DARK: You are not wrong to ask your estranged husband for that information, in light of the fact that one of the children you share has so many mental health challenges.
However, if he refuses, you will have to accept it and deal with your children as best you can with limited information. Believe me, you have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of several years, “Guy,” often asks me to take a trip with him. I have researched accommodations at the suggested destinations, only to have him say they are too pricey. Thus, we never go anywhere, although he could easily afford it.
Now his brother (whom I’ve never met) has suggested a family cruise and suggested that Guy bring along his ex-wife, who is in the early stages of dementia. Guy has been divorced from her for decades.
I haven’t said anything to him about this, though I am shocked and hurt that when a trip is finally planned, Guy thinks it’s fine to take her rather than me.
I’d be OK with him not taking either of us, but not with choosing her over me. Am I the crazy one here?
P.S. Right now, I am dog-sitting for Guy for the second time in a month while he’s out of state for a week attending to his ex-wife’s legal matters, including her will.
— HOME ALONE IN FLORIDA
DEAR HOME ALONE: Something definitely seems out of focus in this family picture. Your boyfriend has been divorced from his ex for decades. Is his brother oblivious to the fact that you have been Guy’s companion for several years?
If this is a question of money, it seems to me that a more practical solution than leaving you out would be for Guy to bring you along on the cruise and he and his brother split the cost of including his former wife.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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