DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at a party with a woman I went to high school with but haven’t seen in years.
She spent most of the evening telling everybody who would listen embarrassing stories about me as a teenager. I was so mad.
We were not friends back then, but we weren’t enemies either. Why would she choose to actively make me uncomfortable?
We were at a party with a lot of people I know and a couple of mutual acquaintances. Now all of these people think differently about me because she told them about me during my most awkward days.
How do I survive this? I feel like I don’t want to go around them anymore.
— Backlash
DEAR BACKLASH: Most people have uncomfortable stories of their youth. Don’t become attached to whatever she said.
If someone brings up one of her stories, laugh it off by saying, “High school years can be awkward.” If you don’t make a big deal out of it, chances are, nobody else will either.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 40 years old, and I haven’t been able to find a job in a year. I have had to move back in with my parents, and it’s been a difficult time.
I used to work for a good company; I had a great career, and I was doing well financially. I got laid off at the beginning of last year, and I haven’t had any luck in finding a new role. I’ve been applying everywhere, and I’ve even made it to multiple final rounds, but they have never ended up choosing me.
Each rejection feels more personal than the last, and it’s starting to wear down my confidence. I wonder if my age is working against me or if something is wrong with me that employers aren’t saying out loud.
Living with my parents again has only added to the shame I already feel, and I find myself comparing where I am now to where I thought I’d be at this stage in my life. I’m trying to stay hopeful, but some days it’s hard just to keep applying when the disappointment feels endless.
How do I cope with the emotional toll of long-term unemployment, and how do I rebuild my confidence when it feels like everything I worked for has slipped away?
— Out of Work
DEAR OUT OF WORK: Too many people echo your experience right now. That means you are not alone. There are many people who are unemployed or underemployed.
What can you do? Look beyond your area of expertise. What else can you do? Think about every skill you have — including labor. You may need to work in an area that is completely different for you, or maybe something you did years ago. Get creative.
Remember that as hard as this period of unemployment is, it is probably not because of something you did wrong. The economy is tough right now.
Be grateful that your parents can allow you to live with them. Some people don’t have that. Do your best to stay positive. Find little things to be grateful for.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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