DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a female student, and I have a situation where a male classmate inappropriately chimes in on personal conversations.
For example, I was asking my friends about a type of bra, and later that day, this classmate followed me to my car and gave me a tutorial about bras.
The crazy thing is he didn’t seem to notice that I was very uncomfortable. So I didn’t say or do anything about that situation, and now today, he chimed in again. I was talking with my teacher about severe cramps and vaginal pain, and he jumped in the conversation to explain why it’s happening.
I need to know how to tell this person he’s being inappropriate and needs to stop. He does these things to other people, as well, and none of us know how to handle it.
GENTLE READER: The fact that he is following you to your car is more concerning to Miss Manners than his choice of subject. She recommends you focus on that needing to stop and avoid the trap of telling him that women do not wish to hear a man’s opinion on women things.
Of course it is irksome, but would it not be worse to have him explain to you how you would feel if the situation were reversed?
Better to have your personal conversations out of his earshot — but not before pointing out that a man ought to know better than to follow a woman to her car.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A director at my place of work sent out a systemwide email inviting everyone to a baby shower for her daughter, who does not work here, never has, and no one here knows her, except by name.
The shower is scheduled for two hours, during work, in one of the rooms at my place of employment. Many of us are baffled by, first of all, the use of the companywide email system (that very few people have access to) for such a strange invitation, and second, the fact that she somehow thinks this is appropriate.
On occasion, we have had departments host brief showers for people who do work here, but have never done so for grandparents, aunts, etc.
Making people further uncomfortable is that, because of her position, she has influence over many of us.
Are we overreacting? Should we attend this event to protect our jobs, or should we politely decline due to our workload and hope she realizes how tacky this all is?
To the best of my knowledge, management hasn’t said anything to her, because she acts as if everything is perfectly fine.
GENTLE READER: This is a wild overreach on the director’s part and an abuse of both the facilities and the people who report to her.
But before you go tattling on her to management (which is indeed tempting and warranted), Miss Manners suggests you bring it up to her delicately — asking if there might be a better place to hold the event that does not utilize company resources or involve people her daughter doesn’t know.
If your colleague balks, then you may consider going to HR or management. They probably already have a rule in place that guards against such practices.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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