DEAR HARRIETTE: When my husband and I first got married, we started off in Georgia. He wanted to go to medical school and was accepted to a school in Virginia.
At this point, we already had our first child, but I wanted him to have the opportunity to achieve his dream, so I stayed in Georgia, and he went to Virginia. Along his med school journey, we got pregnant twice more.
Managing a long-distance relationship and three children was hard on me, both mentally and financially.
When my husband was assigned residency at a hospital in Florida, I decided we should all be together. I moved there with our sons and high hopes. My husband completed his residency and decided to enlist in the military; now he must move to South Carolina.
It has been nearly 10 years of him moving around and making decisions without considering me or our children. I fear that I should have put my foot down a long time ago.
Truthfully, I am afraid to be a single mother, but now I face a harsh reality: Is it time for a divorce?
— On the Run
DEAR ON THE RUN: It is time for a serious conversation with him about his intentions. Have you ever asserted yourself and asked him to work with you to figure out your life together?
Since you are considering divorce, you may also want to talk to an attorney before you confront your husband. Find out your rights regarding whatever resources he has and what military benefits you may receive. If you end up leaving him, you want to make sure that you and your children are well provided for.
That said, talk to him about the future. Let him know how you feel about the moves and not being included in the decision-making. See what he has to say.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is going through some kind of religious awakening. I’m not exactly sure which religion or denomination she adheres to, but she now believes that all holidays are pagan.
I haven’t done thorough research on where that belief stems from and what all it means, but for me, holidays are an opportunity for enjoyment, a time when people come together and celebrate something. Now my other friends and I are constantly being chastised and criticized — pagan this, pagan that.
I respect her beliefs, but they are not mine. I believe everyone is entitled to participate or not participate in whatever they choose. I just wish my friend would give everyone else that same respect.
Should I lovingly try to correct my friend’s abrasive behavior or just create some distance for my own sanity?
— Holiday Differences
DEAR HOLIDAY DIFFERENCES: Sometimes when people convert to a religion, they fully immerse themselves and become judgmental of people who do not follow the same path. That can subside, which could happen in your friend’s case, but you don’t have to wait.
Tell her that you and the rest of the friend group are increasingly uncomfortable with her judgments. Ask her to keep her thoughts about your behavior to herself. She can think whatever she wants, but if she would like to stay friends with you, she needs to stop criticizing you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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