Dear Eric: I lost my hearing in one ear, and my nephew who’s an audiologist suggested a cochlear device might help get some of my hearing back. It was a successful surgery.
The device helps me be able to hear along with a hearing aid in my other ear. I wear my hair a little longer than I would normally to try to cover it.
The issue I have is adults I don’t know coming up to me and bluntly asking, “What is that?”
I don’t mind explaining what a cochlear device is, but I was brought up not to point out people with visible differences/disabilities, etc. I just wish people who think it’s OK to ask a stranger “what is that?” would stop and think, is it kind? Or will my asking make the person feel better? Or do I really need to ask this?
I wanted to say “why would you ask me that?” to the last person who asked me, at a funeral. I wasn’t there to be a poster person for cochlear devices.
How do I say, politely, none of your business?
– Please Don’t Ask
Dear Please: You’re right – you don’t have to be a spokesperson for cochlear devices or anything else that’s going on with your body or happening in your life. People sometimes forget (or ignore) the fact that one person’s curiosity doesn’t demand another person’s response.
With regard to politeness, you don’t need to bend over backward to preserve a stranger’s feelings (or even a friend’s). The next time you’re asked about something related to your appearance or your abilities, it’s fine to say, “I’d rather not talk about it” and leave it at that.
Dear Eric: I was married for several years to a woman who unbeknownst to me cheated. Frankly, we probably shouldn’t have been married in the first place. I divorced her.
After a number of months, she called me out of the blue and wanted to come over. She admitted to cheating and said it was over with the married man and asked for forgiveness.
However, I question her commitment as she wants to keep her apartment. Do I forgive and take her back (I have no trouble getting dates) or just move on? There is a possibility of a job in a new city that is appealing to me.
– Either This or That
Dear Either: To quote the song from the musical “Sunday in the Park with George,” move on.
The biggest clue, for me, is in your second sentence. You wrote, “Frankly, we probably shouldn’t have been married in the first place.” If that’s how you feel, there’s no need to make the same mistake twice.
Infidelity is not always unforgivable nor is it something that can’t be worked through. But what I don’t see in your letter is a strong reason why it might be different this time. It doesn’t bode well, either, that her most recent ex is apparently still married.
When getting back with an ex, it’s healthy to be able to acknowledge what didn’t work before and to be able to communicate clearly about how you’re both going to change things for better outcomes in the future. It doesn’t sound like that’s happening. It’s fine to leave the past in the past.
Dear Eric: I was reading a column of yours where a senior couple was asking about downsizing and distributing the many articles (art, antiques, furnishings, et cetera) they have collected over the years in their home.
I actually work with some companies that do exactly that. Our profession is called “senior move managers” and there is actually an association called National Association Of Senior Move Managers.
I am a retired nurse who loves working with seniors, and I am always a little surprised when I tell people what I do (part time) that they have never heard of the service. Believe me, I will definitely be using such a service myself in the not-too-distant future!
Moving is always difficult, and especially so for seniors. It really becomes overwhelming with all the decisions to be made and what to do with all their belongings. Many managers can pre-sort, give or ship items to family members, use donation centers, help lay out a floor plan for the new residence, pack them and unpack them.
I just wanted to give you that information because I think it is a very much needed service, especially for seniors!
– Senior Move Manager
Dear Manager: Thanks for sharing this resource. Personally, I’ve had wonderful experiences with senior move managers. And I often get letters from children struggling to help their parents downsize and other seniors facing life transitions. I think a lot of readers will appreciate knowing about this possibility, whether for themselves or for a loved one.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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