DEAR ABBY: My son married my daughter’s best friend, “Kayla.” I have loved this young lady since she was a little girl. When she became part of the family, I was overjoyed.
Kayla and my son now have had a baby, and I am not allowed to see the child. The only people who get to see the baby are Kayla’s mother and her mother’s family. Kayla’s parents are divorced, and her father doesn’t see his grandchild often either, but it’s far more often than my husband and I do.
I wrote a text to my son. It wasn’t a nice one, but please remember I haven’t been able to see my grandchild.
I don’t know what to do. I’m heartbroken. I did tell them I was sorry and I shouldn’t have written what I did, but they still keep me at arm’s length.
In addition, they have just announced that I’m going to be a grandmother again. I’m not overjoyed about the news, knowing what it’s been like with this first child. I’m sure it will be more of the same with the new baby.
I love my grandchildren and their parents, but I’m tired of being the bad guy. Advice?
— KEPT AWAY IN TENNESSEE
DEAR KEPT AWAY: It is not unusual for new mothers to gravitate toward their own mothers after the birth of a child. Why do I suspect there may be more to this estrangement than one nasty text written to your son? I wish you had mentioned what may have caused a rift between you and Kayla, whom you say you have loved since she was a little girl.
Because apologizing to your son and daughter-in-law was not enough to assuage their anger, you are finally going to have to accept that this regrettable situation is one you cannot change on your own.
DEAR ABBY: I met “Bobbie” when we were in college in the early 1970s. We fell in love, got married and stayed together for seven years. Things changed; our divorce was amicable.
We went on to successful professional lives and happy second marriages. We stayed in touch over the years, mostly through holiday cards.
A few years ago, I started getting emails from Bobbie about things and ideas we shared together. She lost her husband earlier this year, and I lost my wife about the same time. I stopped by to see her last summer during a visit with some other friends, and we had a nice visit over brunch. She looked good.
Would I be crazy to see if I could rekindle our relationship after 50 years?
She lives a long way away now, but I’ve thought several times about moving back to the area where I grew up. It’s clear we still share the ideals of our youth, and I’ll admit I’ve always had a soft spot for her.
I don’t have much to offer these days, but I get kind of lonely.
— LOOKING BACK IN WYOMING
DEAR LOOKING BACK: I don’t think it would be crazy at all to explore rekindling your relationship with her, but please take your time.
If you want to move back to the area where you grew up, keep that issue separate from the romance. It would be unfortunate if you relocated, things didn’t work out as you hoped, you had given up all of your social contacts and you had to start completely over solo.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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