DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor has two young children and often seems to be stressed out.
She is married, and her husband helps out some, but most of the work falls to her. I see her looking exhausted all the time.
The lights are on in her house before dawn. I can see her cooking from my kitchen window. There’s always a pot on and dishes to wash. I see her doing homework with the kids and being attentive. After they go to sleep, I see her moving about and doing chores.
She is a good mom, and it is a lot.
I would like to do something for her, but I do not have the time or capacity to babysit. I also don’t want to just sit there and do nothing when I can see that she needs help.
Any recommendations?
— Stressed-Out Neighbor
DEAR STRESSED-OUT NEIGHBOR: Do you know what they eat? Could you offer to make a platter of food for the family one night? Or pay for a food delivery so she gets a break from cooking?
The holidays are coming up. Perhaps you can offer to pay for a babysitter so she and her husband can have a date — or so she can just have time off to do nothing. The gesture will likely be appreciated, and she may take you up on it.
Do you enjoy wrapping gifts? You could offer to do that for her to take one thing off of her to-do list. There are so many small tasks she does every day, and if you cover even one of them, you’ll make her day brighter.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have always given each other gifts for Christmas. It is something we have looked forward to doing for years.
In the recent past, we have gone all out. We have saved up on occasion to be able to buy the perfect present.
My problem this year is that I have extremely limited resources. I have been barely working, and it’s hard enough for me to pay my rent, let alone purchase a gift for anyone. Still, I don’t want to kill off this special experience that the two of us share.
How can I address my limitations and get creative to be able to continue our tradition?
— Holiday Gift
DEAR HOLIDAY GIFT: My guess is that your best friend already has an inkling of how tight your budget is. Don’t you two talk about your lives? It’s good for you to want to manage expectations this year.
Know, too, that your friend may already have your gift since Christmas is almost here.
Speak up and state your reality: Funds are limited, so you will have to get creative this year. Ask if you can do Christmas on a budget or even Christmas on no budget.
Rather than spending money on each other, create a gift or design an experience. What does your best friend like to do that you can do together that is free or low cost? For example, dancing at the museum on Friday evening (when entry is free), or hiking in a nearby park and photographing the vista. Think outside the box.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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