DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of ours constantly passes his cellphone around our dinner table to share photos. My husband is immunocompromised, and so we are careful of germ exposure. We don’t want to touch this friend’s phone.
What is a polite way to avoid touching his phone and to stop this activity? I think we should just say, “No, thanks.” Maybe I should talk to him in private so he isn’t embarrassed.
GENTLE READER: Speaking with your friend, or gently announcing to all your guests that your table is a device-free zone, solves the long-term solution.
But if you forget, or run into a similar problem with someone else — and phone-passing has become a widespread nuisance of our time — Miss Manners suggests you simply stand up, go to your husband and intercept the phone before he has to take it.
You can make this look natural — expressing delight at the photo and showing it to your husband — before you then pass it to the next person over. After that, you only need to complete the action that ostensibly caused you to rise: a trip to the kitchen if this is your home, or to the bathroom if it is someone else’s.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year a neighbor had a Christmas party. She invited a lot of people and it was quite crowded. She made a number of tasty dishes and provided some drinks.
This year, she has sent invitations for a post-Christmas open house and asked that the guests bring food. There was no RSVP request and no phone number provided.
I do not want to go. Am I obligated to tell her? My husband says we should bring food, stay for 10 minutes, then leave.
GENTLE READER: Nice try: Even though no telephone number was provided and no response explicitly requested, etiquette still requires you to answer the invitation (even though Miss Manners knows no one else will).
You must respond — but a response declining the invitation is just as polite as an acceptance.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are we obliged to travel with friends who do not share the same passions, routines or interests that we do?
Over time, we have vacationed with many of our friends, so we understand whom we wish to be with on our adventures. But how do we manage friends who ask where and when the next trip will be, when we would prefer to travel without them?
GENTLE READER: You are not even obliged to travel with friends with whom you do share the same passions, routines and interests. But Miss Manners does require you to refrain from speaking of the glories of your proposed destination.
When asked where and when the next trip is, you need not share plans at a stage when they can be changed, and you should avoid being drawn into planning meetings. That way, you can describe your trip as “already fully booked” if you are traveling with others — or “finally, our chance to get away by ourselves” if not.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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