DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have long been troubled by the carol “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” specifically the intimation that if we don’t give the uninvited guests their figgy pudding, they “won’t go.”
How are we to address this request? I don’t want to be ungrateful for their wishes, but think that their insistence is a bit beyond what is considered polite and reasonable. Can you advise how to proceed?
GENTLE READER: What was that? Miss Manners couldn’t quite hear you over the ruckus made by the geese a-laying, the calling birds, the French hens and the turtledoves. The partridge, fortunately, appears to have passed out under the pear tree.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Help! My husband and I stayed at my parents’ house and slept in their guest bedroom. Friends of theirs had gifted them with a terrible, but very expensive, mattress. It slopes severely toward the edges so that you feel like you’re falling all night long, making sleep impossible.
My mom happened to ask if we liked the mattress, so I said “no,” and explained why. She proceeded to look up reviews for the mattress on her phone to see whether I was right about whether or not we liked the mattress (I guess).
What do we do next time we visit? We seriously won’t be able to sleep on that mattress, but saying that we’ll stay in a hotel would probably start World War III.
GENTLE READER: When you are a parent (if you are not already), remember that exchange when you ask your children for feedback (as you will) and then argue when they give it (as you also will).
Miss Manners notes this merely to grease the wheel of life. The answer to your immediate problem is to remind your mother that she asked, and hope that her own sense of fair play will win out. And to sleep on the sofa.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an area that is known for terrible coffee, so my friends and neighbors often come to my house for an espresso drink. They know I take the process seriously to make a quality drink, using an espresso machine/grinder and milk frother.
Although I will ensure the machine is filled, cups are warmed and a filter is ready for making a fresh cup upon arrival, the process is very loud and I can’t hear my guest while I am making their requested drink.
What would be the correct way to let them know that I can’t hear them while I complete the five-minute task of making a drink? And should I let them stand there, or seat them?
GENTLE READER: As we are being careful with the coffee, Miss Manners recommends also being precise about the problem. You do not need to tell your neighbors that you cannot hear them over the coffee grinder; that will be obvious as soon as you press the button.
The problem is that you cannot politely press that button while they are halfway through asking you a question. Wait until a pause, therefore, point to the grinder, say, “Excuse me,” and grind away. If necessary, you can repeat this process for each noise-making step.
Even the most situationally unaware neighbor should be able to remain politely quiet in the hope of getting caffeinated.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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