DEAR ABBY: I moved across the country nine years ago to be closer to my parents as they age. They are now in their early to mid-80s.
My mother has recently had a few falls. One was bad enough that she had to be taken by ambulance to the ER because she was not able to stand. (I suspect some of her falling is due to having a drink or two at a casino, which affects her balance.)
I have been saying for almost a year that my mother needs a walker. Because it has fallen on deaf ears, I took it upon myself to buy her a walker and shower chair. She and Dad are still convinced she doesn’t need a walker. Abby, when we got to the hospital, she needed assistance to use the bathroom because she couldn’t stand or walk on her own after the fall.
Today I learned she and Dad went to a casino without the walker. I am beside myself! They are either in denial or just don’t want to listen to me, but I am at my wits’ end because I’m sure this will happen again.
I’m afraid her next fall may result in broken bones or worse. Any advice?
— FEARFUL DAUGHTER IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR DAUGHTER: You may be trying to reason with the wrong parent. Assuming they are both in their right minds, tell your father that with the history of falls your mother has, the result of the next one could be serious.
Neither of them is a spring chicken. If either one, particularly your mother, were to break a hip and be bedridden, it could lead to pneumonia and death. If they make light of it, get their doctor to weigh in.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with the “Joneses” for many years. We traditionally exchange gift baskets. I enjoy picking out treats and items I think they would enjoy when assembling their basket. I also give them home-baked items.
Last year, their basket for us contained a freebie calendar from a charity (we also received one from the charity; they gifted us one the previous year as well, and I had told them then that we already had one). There was also an amenity bar of soap from a hotel, a summer sausage, a small wheel of processed cheese and a 4-inch-by-5-inch print the wife bought at an art fair I had attended with her years before.
It seemed like she just went around her house gathering things she didn’t want for the basket.
This year, I’m thinking about telling them we would rather not exchange gifts as it seems they can’t be bothered. Do you think I’m being grinchy?
— THOUGHT THAT COUNTS?
DEAR THOUGHT: Your friends may be experiencing financial difficulty. I do not think it would be kind or polite to tell them “it seems they can’t be bothered.”
A better way to approach it might be to tell the wife that you and your husband are “cutting back on gift-giving this year,” which is why you will be gifting friends a home-baked pie, cake, batch of cookies, etc., and you hope they will consider doing the same. (By the way, they already are cutting back, which is why you wrote to me!)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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