DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple of years ago, a friend of mine lent me a pair of pants. Soon after the occasion, I stopped by to visit her and totally forgot to bring her pants with me.
I admitted my mistake, and then she told me I could keep them because they don’t fit her well.
A few days ago, she reached out asking for her pants, and when I made a joke about her taking back gifts, she claimed that I had misplaced the pants and never got back to her.
This is not the first time something like this has happened. She often forgets what she’s said or done or just completely concocts a new version of what she thought happened, inaccurately recalling the details around certain situations. I’m tired of always having to pay for her memory loss.
Should I have put my foot down about these pants, or is this not worth it? I know it seems petty, but she did give them to me, and I don’t like being accused of withholding someone’s belongings.
— Something Borrowed
DEAR SOMETHING BORROWED: It may be time to have a different conversation with your friend. Perhaps she is having memory problems.
See if you can cite at least three instances when your friend has recounted a different version of a story to you than you remember. Tell her that you are concerned about her memory, and give her these examples as evidence. Know that she is likely to push back. Tell her anyway.
With the pants, review the entire scenario in detail based on your memory. Explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable that she is basically accusing you of lying. Kindly suggest that she get her memory checked.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently got a dog. Ever since then, the dog goes everywhere with her — including into people’s homes and apartments, often without her asking first.
Her dog is still young and not well-trained. He jumps on furniture, has accidents and causes a bit of chaos.
I have pets, too, but I don’t think it’s fair to assume everyone is comfortable having a dog in their space. I can tell that when she brings him around, most people are only being nice trying to accommodate his behavior, but they are uneasy.
Whenever I suggest she leave the dog at home or at least check with people before bringing him over, my sister becomes defensive and says that he’s not doing anything any other puppy isn’t doing. She doesn’t bring him to my home because she thinks I don’t like him, but that’s not the case.
I feel like she’s missing the bigger picture here of respecting other people’s space or simply asking permission.
Now that she takes him everywhere, it makes me not want to join her because it gets embarrassing. How do I address this without starting a big argument?
— Untrained Pup
DEAR UNTRAINED PUP: Trained or not, dogs shouldn’t show up at people’s houses without an invitation or advance permission. Period.
Next time you two are going to visit others, require her to contact the people in advance to ask if she can bring the dog. Otherwise, refuse to bring the dog — or the dog and her if she won’t give in.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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