DEAR ABBY: While we were attending a friend’s family barbecue, “Willa,” a young mother of four, drank too much and became ill. Drugs may have been involved.
Understandably, the three older children became very concerned about their mom’s condition. Willa’s partner, “Ian,” was furious. My husband spent an hour de-escalating Ian’s issues, while I attended to Willa and assured the children their mom would be feeling better after she rested.
The problem I had was with my friend “Julia,” who was the host. Julia is Ian’s mother and the grandmother of the youngest child he has with Willa.
The older ones (ages 6 to 12) asked Julia what was wrong with their mom. I replied that their mom was sick from drinking too much, after which Julia loudly announced, “Your mom’s not ‘sick’ … she’s drunk!” Her outburst caused the kids to become upset again.
Julia maintains she did nothing wrong. What are your thoughts?
— CLEANING UP THE MESS
DEAR CLEANING UP: Julia was probably mad as heck that Willa ruined her party, which is why she unloaded the way she did. That said, the children were clearly worried when they asked what was wrong with their mom.
Frankly, I think Julia did the right thing by telling them the truth about their mother’s condition. That way, the next time it happens, and it will, they won’t be terrified that their mother has a fatal illness.
DEAR ABBY: I am in a longtime relationship, and things are good. I feel loved, and I love him. However, we have opposite opinions about current politics.
It is disturbing that he could feel this way. Our discussions usually result in his telling me over and over, louder and louder, “how things are” and “what the real truth is,” and that I’m “not looking at the whole picture.”
I told him I don’t like the debates we have, as I feel very off-balance afterward, and it seems like he’s pushing me to accept his beliefs.
It has now reached the point that if we keep up these “discussions,” as he calls them, I’ll probably have to leave the relationship. I told him I don’t ever want to talk about politics with him again.
Is this a good option? Any other ideas? I cannot believe we are so opposite, yet he is very nice to me.
— OPPOSITE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR OPPOSITE: This gentleman may be very nice to you, but philosophically you and he are poles apart. I don’t think it is “very nice” to strong-arm someone into agreeing to something to which they are opposed.
Do you really think you can stifle your feelings forever by not discussing this? This is who he is at his core, and he isn’t going to change his convictions. The question you have to answer is whether you are willing or able to do that.
DEAR READERS: I wish you all a joyous, meaningful, healthy and safe Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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