DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why is it that people see it as mandatory to send a thank-you for a gift?
It seems like people give gifts with the sole purpose of being appreciated. This seems contrary to the whole idea of giving a gift.
To explain further, let me tell you how I give gifts. I have a large family that is pretty far-flung. Some years I’m in touch with certain members; other years I’m in touch with others. When the holidays come around and I am shopping for gifts, I look for things that remind me of them and of conversations we’ve had.
Gifts, to me, are not a chore and not an obligation. If I get a thank-you card, it is nice, but I do not see any obligation on their part to send me one. I got my reward already.
Why are thank-you cards so brutal and draconian?
GENTLE READER: What’s that? People are sending brutal, draconian thank-you cards?
Well, that would be wicked. But Miss Manners guesses that you mean that you consider the requirement to send them to be brutal and draconian.
Usually, that is the claim of people who are on the receiving end of presents. It is unusual for a generous giver, as you seem to be, to make that argument. But you have in common with them the idea that the act of giving should be a sufficient reward.
Don’t you want to know that your present was a success? Or even just that it was actually received? Would it not be rewarding to hear that the recipients of your thoughtfulness were pleased?
It’s called feedback.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Unfortunately, in all my etiquette books, there is no reference on the time interval between receiving a wedding/baby shower gift and sending a thank-you note. Is there a too soon/too late window?
GENTLE READER: That is because there is not supposed to be an interval. Too early is before the present is received, and too late is any interval afterward — although not while the donor is still standing there.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother told me, long ago, why table knives are placed with the cutting edge towards the plate, but I have forgotten. Would you be so kind as to remind me, as my mother is no longer available?
GENTLE READER: It was to avoid the knives being used to attack fellow diners — or at least to lessen that possibility. Really.
In cruder times, if you can imagine such a thing, people brought their hunting knives to the table, with which to tear into the animals they’d hunted (now cooked).
But as they were no more immune than we to strongly held differences of opinion, diners were sometimes known to express their contempt for the beliefs of others.
But blood on the table can ruin a dinner party. So it was decreed that the cutting edges of knives should be turned towards their owners, thus symbolizing their peaceful intent.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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