Dear Eric: I’m 61, widowed, and still work full-time as a registered nurse in a very busy hospice house.
I lost my husband four years ago, and since then went through a medical scare twice, diagnosed with cirrhosis, sleep apnea and chronic anxiety, have bought and sold two homes, purchased a new car and created significant credit card debt twice.
When I retire, I won’t be able to afford my house, so I will need to move (again).
I understand and admit these poor financial decisions were possibly my way of dealing with grief. Now I am at a crossroads where I have an opportunity to retire next year and finally be able to decide how and where I spend my time.
You see, during my 36 years of marriage, we moved 13 times. I really don’t have roots.
My problem is that I don’t know where to land during my retirement years. How do I go about figuring this out? Because of my medical issues, sometimes I need help and probably should live near my family. But who?
I can’t wrap my head around this. I need to decide soon because I will need to move when I sell my current home next summer.
I think I’m afraid to make another financial mistake. I also fear that this decision will be somehow final. What are your thoughts?
– The Next Move
Dear Move: The first thing you’ll want to do is talk to a financial adviser, who can review your assets and debts and give you a concrete plan that will keep you financially solvent and help you get some peace of mind.
Medical issues and money woes can create a fog of anxiety that obscures the path forward. It’s hard to make wise decisions or to feel confident you haven’t made a mistake.
If you don’t know where to look for a financial adviser, ask friends or relatives if they work with someone they trust, or reach out to the National Association of Professional Financial Advisors (napfa.org). Your local senior center or public library will also likely have financial counseling resources available.
Also, talk to your family members about the upcoming decision and the options you’re weighing. They’ll be able to give you insight about the places they live, and their capacity for showing up for you when needed. This will give you a sense of what your post-retirement life can look like and give you better information to help you make your decision.
Talk to your doctors, as well. If there’s specialized care you need, they’ll be able to advise you on how to connect with it in other areas.
Lastly, talk to friends in retirement communities about their experiences. You may find that one of those is an attractive and affordable option.
You don’t have to make these decisions on your own; indeed, it’s wiser not to. Keep asking for more information until you feel more surefooted.
I understand that perhaps you feel that you’re backed into a corner right now. But I want to assure you that you can find a next chapter that brings you happiness and gives you a sense of freedom.
Dear Eric: This is in reference to the letter about giving gifts to adults from “Feeling Bah-humbug,” who wrote: “My significant other and I are at the stage in life where we really do not need more ‘stuff’ and would rather not deal with gifts that are generic at best and usually are re-gifted promptly via donation or gift-economy communities.”
My family had the same problem. Solved it!
Instead of buying gifts, we determined a monetary amount we probably would spend on a gift. We picked $50. Could be any amount. Every year one person was in charge of collecting the money from everyone. That person donated the whole pot to their favorite charity. Next year, the next person collected the money and donated it to their favorite charity. Worked great!
– Regifting
Dear Regifting: What I love most about this solution, in addition to giving a meaningful pot of money to a charity, is that it gives your family the chance to learn about each other through what causes you care about.
I’d even suggest that the person who is in charge of collecting the money send out a card or letter explaining what the charity does, why that work is personally meaningful, and how the money will impact the work. It’s an added step, but one of the aims of giving and receiving gifts is that it helps us feel closer to those that we love.
Hearing about the good that someone is trying to advance in the world helps us to know them in a deeper way. Thanks for your suggestion. It’s something I’m going to try next year.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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