DEAR ABBY: I lost my beloved dog, “Truffle,” nine months ago. She was almost 15. I had to euthanize her because she was ill and suffering.
I cannot begin to describe the depth of grief I’m experiencing. Her loss has been harder for me than any human loss. We had a connection that words cannot express. Truffle captured my soul.
I work from home, and we spent every day together. I’m thankful that I had a lot more time with her because of this.
My husband doesn’t understand my grief and can’t wrap his mind around my affection for an animal. He has tried to be understanding, but now he says he can no longer be supportive because it’s senseless for me to grieve this way. He said that life should be about him now, and my grieving is taking away from the attention he should have.
I have learned to silence my pain in his presence, and this just feels wrong and unfair. To be completely transparent, I am far more broken than what he has ever known. I’m getting grief counseling he is not aware of, I keep journals, and I am compiling a memory book for my precious Truffle puppy.
I feel like I can’t win, because if he knows I am not being honest about how I feel, he’ll be upset (rightfully so). But he will also be upset if he knows the depth of grief I am dealing with.
Any advice on how to handle this?
— SUFFERING IN SILENCE
DEAR SUFFERING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved furry family member. Truffle was your companion and confidant for a long time. That you miss her companionship is understandable.
What you said about your husband is revealing. Is it possible you doted so much on Truffle that he felt jealous, and now that she’s gone, he is relieved that he will finally have his wife fully back? If that’s the case, you may have work to do.
That you are receiving grief counseling is wonderful. I think the memory book is a great idea, IF it helps you through the process and doesn’t hold you back.
At this point, I don’t think you need to hide anything from your husband. You both could benefit from talking about all of this with a licensed marriage and family therapist.
DEAR ABBY: A man in a Facebook group has been rude and unpleasant to me, as well as to others. I blocked him, and life has been more pleasant since.
My wife refuses to block him and encourages a Facebook relationship, which brings him back into my life.
Am I wrong to feel she should be more supportive of me? I would absolutely support her if she were in a similar situation.
— WANTS PEACE IN GEORGIA
DEAR WANTS PEACE: Does your wife discuss this unpleasant person’s posts with you? If she does, tell her to cut it out because it upsets you. Apart from that, let her make her own communication choices because they are her decision and not yours.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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