DEAR ABBY: I’m an active senior man. To keep my beard looking attractive, a hairstylist trims it every two weeks. I’ve had the same stylist for three years, and we have become good friends, to the point that she has invited me to her home for an evening meal with her family.
I have been there several times, but on the last occasion, she did something odd and, I believe, disrespectful.
She is a very attractive 50-year-old lady. Arriving at her home, I was left in the company of her parents while she and her son (and perhaps her husband) prepared the food. When it was finished, she brought me my plate, then served her parents.
What shocked me was that she was dressed in what she called a swimsuit. To me, it was the barest thong and bra I had ever seen and 2 inches from being naked. Earlier that day, when she was trimming my beard, she wore sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
Her excuse for the “swimsuit” was that there was something wrong with a spot on her hip that required a patch, and she couldn’t wear clothing over it because it would put too much pressure on the afflicted spot. (I don’t buy it.)
I felt that, if nothing else, she could have at least put on one of her husband’s shirts. I felt embarrassed and insulted.
Although I said nothing, I decided never to go to her home again. Should I tell her why if she asks?
— LOOKING GOOD IN COLORADO
DEAR LOOKING GOOD: Your “barber(ella)” wasn’t entertaining you alone. Her parents, son and (possibly) her husband were also there. She obviously felt comfortable enough around you that she wore something she usually wears in that environment and had no idea you would react the way you have.
From now on, politely refuse her dinner invitations. If she asks why, I don’t think it would be rude to level with her that you felt embarrassed she wasn’t more covered up. It’s the truth.
DEAR ABBY: My wife’s family is rather enmeshed. They have never really accepted me and are rude and unkind toward me.
Recently, her father’s attitude has shifted from rude to downright hostile. He has tried to physically assault me. (I didn’t fight back.)
They watch our kids three days a week. I appreciate it and try hard to be a respectful and good person, but I am not sure what to do.
My wife is unable or unwilling to take a strong stance against her father’s behavior.
Any advice?
— PUNISHED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PUNISHED: There is something wrong with your father-in-law. The next time he lays a hand on you, call the police and have him arrested, as you would any other aggressor.
As to your “enmeshed” wife, some joint sessions with a marriage counselor might help her to reorganize her priorities. However, if she can’t manage that, you may need to decide if you want to remain married to her or climb out of that snake pit.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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