DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did people become so insecure that they take offense at pretty much everything?
I’ve noticed a huge shift. Compliments given by strangers are now considered an insult or an attack against their feelings. A mom is insulted, a woman with a pretty hairstyle is offended, someone with a nice outfit is annoyed. “You look nice today” is taken as saying she looks bad the rest of the week.
What’s wrong with people? What is a society when nobody talks to anyone, and we let insecurities turn us cold and isolated? Then you have people saying, “I’m lonely and no one talks to me.” Well, what did you expect?
Because I am a single mom, people often ask what happened to cause my divorce. I just laugh and tell the truth — that I was young and dumb — and everyone always laughs in agreement. This has started some very funny conversations, and it has also started conversations with women who are struggling in their own marriages and need someone to talk to.
Due to financial struggles, I have purchased 99% of my clothes at resale shops or garage sales. I have always gotten compliments on my clothes; some women even ask where I bought my blouse, jacket, etc. Do I get insulted, and say, “Oh my gosh, how dare she intrude in my life struggles”? No. I say, “Thank you — and you know, I’ve had it so long I don’t remember where I bought it.” Compliment given, compliment accepted.
My faith keeps me motivated to be happy and kind to others.
Here’s a final thought: If you use your time and energy to be happy and kind to others, you won’t have the time to look for insults where no insult exists.
A compliment to a stranger might just be what they need that day!
GENTLE READER: Or not.
Yet Miss Manners agrees that the unpleasant habit of taking insult when none was intended is widespread. She admires and appreciates your behavior. Indeed, the world would be a lot more pleasant if people presumed goodwill in others.
There are exceptions, of course: compliments that are salacious, for example. Questions that imply a slur. Or plain nosiness, which is also rampant. No one should feel forced to answer personal questions.
But barbed comments from strangers may be ignored, and nosy questions may be deflected. All Miss Manners asks is that they not inspire further rudeness.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 56 years old and have a special person in my life.
When we go out and meet people, how do I introduce her? As my girlfriend, my lady friend, my pillow pal? Please help.
GENTLE READER: Only if you expunge the term “pillow pal,” which has left Miss Manners with a mental picture she would prefer not to entertain.
The accepted term for an established unmarried couple is now “partner.” Short of that is “friend.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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