DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom often criticizes me because I live an untraditional life, and it worries her at times.
I understand she has good intentions, but I am too old for her to dictate the way I live. I am a digital nomad and have been traveling around Asia and Australia for the past three years. I work remotely and make enough to travel and even store some money away in savings.
I decided I wanted to see the world and live a more carefree life when I turned 30, so I sold most of my belongings and set out to travel.
My mom lived a simple life where she settled down young and had kids in her early 20s. I find nothing wrong with this, but it’s not the life that I wanted for myself.
My mom calls me every single week asking me to come back to the United States and settle down; every single week I tell her no. The nagging is starting to get to be a lot, but I don’t want to stop taking her phone calls.
I love my mom so much and could never cut her off. How do I set boundaries with her while still having a good relationship? Is there a way to help her understand and respect my choices without feeling like I’m hurting or disappointing her?
— Mom Vs. Me
DEAR MOM VS. ME: Ask your mom to agree to just enjoy each other when you talk. Choose to discuss highlights. She can share about her week, and you can share about yours.
Schedule when you will go home to visit so that she has that to look forward to. Would she ever come visit you? Perhaps that way she could see the way you live.
Keep reinforcing storytelling as a means of being close to each other. Over time, she may begin to enjoy that.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I are gearing up to celebrate our 50th anniversary! I’m so happy and so proud, but I don’t know how to show it.
We are planning a huge vow renewal ceremony and celebration with friends and family, but just like our wedding, she’s doing most of the planning.
I want to do something unique and special to show her that I am just as dedicated as her. I want this anniversary party to feel like a thank-you to my wife for her patience, partnership and years and years of loving me.
Do you have any ideas of what I can do that will take my wife’s breath away?
— 50 Years and Counting
DEAR 50 YEARS AND COUNTING: Can you access photographs from years past? If so, you can send them to a printer like Shutterfly and have an anniversary book created of images that outline your life.
You can also write your own vows. Take the time to think fully about the life you two have led. Write something heartfelt that you will read to her before folks gather that showcases your love for her.
You can take her on a dream vacation after the party that you schedule as a surprise. Just make sure other family members or loved ones are in on it so that her calendar will be clear.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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