DEAR HARRIETTE: As a young, queer Black man entering the dating scene post-COVID, it is often hard to create meaningful in-person connections without sex being at the forefront of the conversation.
As someone who values quality time and experiences, it can be lonely on the modern dating scene, especially with many still suffering from social anxiety since the pandemic. I have tried several dating apps without any real success, and I am nervous to enter many LGBTQ+ spaces alone, considering they come with their own set of dangers and challenges.
I do try to maintain a vibrant social life, but I often end up at straight clubs and lounges due to the composition of my friend groups.
Do you have any advice on how I can convince a group of 10 straight people to attend a gay nightclub with me?
— Stepping Out
DEAR STEPPING OUT: When I was a young woman, we all went to gay clubs because they had the best music. Everybody partied together on the dance floor and had a great time.
Do your research. Find a gay club with a vibe your friends will appreciate, and invite them to join you there. If you are with a group of people, you can enjoy one another’s company in a space where you might meet someone interesting.
If your friends know you and are aware that you want to go somewhere to possibly meet someone, at least some of them should be down to venture out with you on occasion. Give it a try.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Caribbean American; both of my parents have backgrounds in the West Indies.
Although my mother was born in America, her Caribbean culture was influential to my upbringing and formative years. My father was born and raised in the Caribbean. I frequently spent extended periods of time on his home island.
Although I was raised in a West Indian household, at the end of the day, I grew up Black in America, and I share many lived experiences with African Americans. I was taught to respect and appreciate the uniqueness in every culture.
I am open to dating an African American person; therefore, I want to ensure I honor and respect the customs that made me while highlighting the beauty of these other traditions. Do you have any advice on how to merge the two together?
P.S. I don’t like to cook.
— Respect
DEAR RESPECT: You have the unique experience of being part of at least two worlds. Each Caribbean country has its own flair and uniqueness. Pay attention to what is true about your parents’ countries of origin.
What rituals and traditions have you noticed? Even though you don’t cook, you can still be aware of foodways. The same goes for music. Similarly, look at your African American culture. What have you noticed those families doing together? How do people treat each other — and yes, what do they eat?
Get to know whomever you decide to date. Talk to them about their life, their culture, their traditions. If you pay attention, you will naturally discover ways to honor who they are and who you are.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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