DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years now, and we have decided that we are ready for unprotected sex.
With this decision came the discussion of birth control, which we both agreed on, and STI testing, which my girlfriend insists on. When she went to her birth control consultation, she says that she got tested “so we can start off on a clean slate,” and now she expects me to do so, too.
Honestly, I get tested once a year as part of my routine wellness check, and I feel a little offended about how pushy she’s being with this.
We’ve been in a committed relationship for this long. If she’s healthy, why would she assume I am not?
This sort of feels like a test in itself — either to see if I’m not healthy when she is or to see if I hesitate or refuse to take the test. Either way, this feels like a lack of trust that I didn’t know existed.
Am I looking at this wrong?
— Getting Tested
DEAR GETTING TESTED: Unprotected sex requires a deep level of trust and vulnerability. Don’t be offended.
It’s great how responsible you are with your health in general. Many people do not get annual checkups, and a lot of people lie about their health.
Of course you hoped you already had that level of trust with your girlfriend. Take this as an opportunity to talk about expectations, commitment and the future with her. Talk to her about your values and boundaries as well as what you hope your life with look like with her.
Your girlfriend may be letting stories she has heard about other people encroach on your relationship. Sit her down and remind her of your relationship, and invite her to trust that, not any outside forces — but also go ahead and get tested for her peace of mind.
DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past two years, I’ve been working remotely for a tech company. While I’m grateful for the flexibility, my role involves little client engagement or team interaction. Most days, I work alone in silence, with limited conversation beyond the occasional virtual meeting.
Recently, I’ve noticed something deeply unsettling: I’ve developed a stutter.
I used to be confident and articulate, especially in professional settings, but now I struggle to get my words out smoothly. It feels like this extended period of isolation has taken a toll on my speech and my self-esteem. I’m embarrassed by it, and it’s starting to affect my pride and how I show up in conversations.
How can I rebuild my confidence and communication skills? What steps can I take to undo the effects of so much solitude before this becomes permanent?
— My New Stutter
DEAR MY NEW STUTTER: You need to get out and be around other people. Consider signing up for Toastmasters, a longstanding organization that helps people to break through their shyness and become strong public speakers and communicators. This kind of practice can help you regain your confidence.
Apart from that, putting yourself into any social environment should help, as it will make you talk.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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