DEAR HARRIETTE: A colleague of mine sent me an alarming news article and suggested that I check in on my best friend.
The article, which was several months old, said my friend’s partner had been arrested. Since it was published, I have been to her home and out to dinners with her and her husband. My friend hasn’t mentioned any of this to me, so is it that she doesn’t want me to know — or perhaps that she doesn’t know herself?
Now that I have this information, I want to check on her and let her know that I am here for her even when things are difficult.
Is there a way to bring this up that won’t cause her to be defensive, or is it best to pretend I never read this article and butt out of their personal life?
— Sticking My Nose In
DEAR STICKING MY NOSE IN: If this woman is truly your best friend, she obviously chose not to share the information with you. You will be breaching an invisible wall by bringing it up.
If you think your friend could benefit from moral support simply by knowing that you are aware of something that happened, discreetly inform her that someone showed you the article. Assure her that you are not fishing for details, but you want her to know that you will do whatever she needs you to do to support her. That could be talking, helping her find an attorney or doing nothing at all.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend has expressed romantic interest in me. We’ve been in the same friend group for about eight years now.
I had suspected there was a bit of chemistry between us, but I always denied it to myself and to my girlfriends when they would ask about it.
Recently, this friend admitted his feelings and proposed a weekend getaway as our first date. I can’t deny that I am moved by his choice to reveal his feelings — even if it means risking our friendship. I’m flattered, and quite frankly I’m blushing!
I’m interested in this man, and I’m curious about what a deeper relationship might look like for us, but I held in my own feelings this long because I wanted to preserve the beautiful friendship we have.
A getaway is spontaneous, and I’m a bit nervous, but honestly, I’m always nervous. Should I take the leap and go away with him, or should I maintain what we have?
— More Than Friends
DEAR MORE THAN FRIENDS: Why not take the leap and go with him for the weekend? Spend the time talking and exploring your thoughts and feelings. Agree to give each other the space to discover if it’s worth it to find out if a romance could emerge out of your friendship.
You can also agree to be respectful of each other and the rest of your friend group by treating this time as special. Don’t rush into intimacy. Take your time and see how things evolve.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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